Last week I had the privilege of presenting a paper at the National Meeting of the Evangelical Theological Society (ETS) in Denver, Colorado. I hope to share an excerpt of that paper in a forthcoming post, so be on the lookout.
While in Denver
This past week I had the chance to see and spend time with several friends. Some were friends from college, some from seminary/graduate school, and some from other professional or ecclesial settings. I enjoyed it so much.
The principal reason why I was in Denver was to participate in ETS. I’ve been a member of ETS since 2007. It’s the type of meeting you attend because you’re presenting a paper, keeping up professional-academic appearances, and/or trying to stay engaged with the world of evangelical scholarship. One need not have a relational excuse for attending. Nevertheless, the organization has an inherent social dimension. We seek to receive and contribute scholarship in community with others.
There are limits to this. While ETS is increasingly populated by those with very conservative theological commitments, it’s a minimalist organization. Members must only assent to two creedal beliefs: Scriptural inerrancy and the Trinity. That leaves a lot of room for diversity!
I mention these details not merely to better inform the reader about the organization, but to make clear that the annual meeting isn’t mainly a big get-together. However, it certainly provides a venue for forging new connections and for revisiting old friendships. So quite aside from the opportunity to read a paper, this year’s meeting reminded me of how precious friendship is.
Facets of Friendship
Friends break bread together. Food has always had a unitive quality to it. Just think of this week. Regardless of what kind of Thanksgiving gathering you’ll be a part of, mostly everyone will have some dish to contribute to it. Imagine how different this holiday would be if it were just a time to gather, mention some things you’re thankful for from the past year, then head home. It would be a fundamentally different gathering. But introduce food—foods you seldom eat, and a lot of them—unique culinary traditions, and the collective preparation and clean-up effort, and you’ve got quite a different thing on your hands.
It was good being able to enjoy meals with more than one friend. I walked multiple blocks with one in the frigid Denver air and discovered an establishment where I enjoyed the best fish ‘n chips of my life. Another meal was defined by a substantial conversation about career and calling. Another gave me the chance to treat a friend to an early birthday lunch and discuss the lessons of fatherhood. There’s just something about sharing a meal that can open up the heart and mind.
Friends support each other’s work. Several of my friends were presenting papers this week. Given my late arrival time, I missed some of them. After all, ETS is the type of event where hundreds of presentations are given over a period of three days. This means that multiple presentations are happening simultaneously. You simply can’t go to everything. However, it meant a lot to me that two friends opted to skip other sections they may have liked to attend to come to mine. Likewise, I skipped hearing other papers in order to go hear one of my friends present. Of course, it helped that it was a topic that I was also interested in!
My wife and I were watching a television show in recent days in which the protagonist was troubled by how few interests she and her spouse shared, even after many years of marriage. We commented on how this is true for many couples, yet it need not cheapen or hinder the relationship. Indeed, aside from the question of how and why opposites attract, God can use our differences to teach us patience, understanding, and service. I think the first two are probably self-explanatory, but perhaps the latter requires some explanation.
We serve others by manifesting a concern for the things which concern them. Think of how the parent goes to see their child play tee ball. Let’s face it: it’s not a pretty thing. But they go to support their child. We listen to our spouse’s insights into a book that we read years ago. We attend a seminar or workshop given by a colleague, even if it’s not a topic on our front burner. Attending ETS gave me a chance to be encouraged in my work.
Friends create opportunities for shared experiences. I suppose the major reason people don’t call their friends more often is busyness. It’s not an especially precise or profound excuse, but it’s a reason we all identify with. Yet friendships must be nurtured just as any relationship. Fail to tend to them and we drift apart. Every reader can think of someone they used to be very close to, yet the lack of time and effort invested has led to the withering of that relationship. It wasn’t malice, but neglect. However, the outcome is mostly the same.
Some of my friends and I attended some of the same sessions. In some cases, I chose to “go along” with what they were doing. In other cases, I somewhat nudged a friend and said, “Let’s go hear this.” They obliged. These shared experiences were simply more things we could do together. And in the context of an academic conference, it would give more fodder for mutual reflection.
Even mundane things can foster friendship, like sharing an Uber on the way to the airport. Aside from the prudent economics of splitting a ride two or three ways, it gave extra time for reflection over the prior days, sharing pictures of our kids, and reminiscing about other memories. The little moments become big over the years. They aren’t the heart of friendships, but they do constitute some ligaments and tendons. Let one of them get out of place or underworked, and you’ll begin to feel it.
This week I’m thankful for organizations like ETS. I’m thankful for the occasion they provide to learn and share. But more than these, I’m thankful for the many precious friends in my life—ETS colleagues or not. My friends are diverse, patient, kind, and hard workers. They are essential instruments in my sanctification, and I pray I am in theirs.
Currently Reading:
Catch-up week
Quote of the Week:
What exactly is the connection between politics and friendship, and how should we assess the relative value of each when they come into conflict? . . . Some goods are merely instrumental to other goods. Think of a doctor’s visit. Seeing the doctor is good, but not good in itself. Rather, it is good in relation to health. But other goods are intrinsic, because their value lies entirely in themselves. Think of play, aesthetic delight, love, divine worship, and knowledge. These goods, especially when practiced in the company of others, bring meaning to life. They simply are what we mean by happiness—what the Greeks called eudaimonia. A life without these goods would be meaningless. . . The distinction between instrumental and intrinsic goods is crucial, because friendship (real friendship, not the ersatz friendship we practice today) is an intrinsic good, while politics is an instrumental good. Thus, to lose a friendship over politics suggests that something is deeply disordered in our souls.