Congratulations to the Cincinnati Bengals and the Los Angeles Rams on reaching the Super Bowl! They both had intriguing seasons. I’m guessing the Rams will win 23-17, but I’m just hoping for a great game!
The Will to Excel
Last week, Tom Brady announced his retirement from professional football. In truth, you shouldn’t have to be a football fan to try to appreciate the significance of this announcement.
I well remember some stars of the 1990s, like Steve Young and Troy Aikman. I remember when my region finally had a team closer than the Atlanta Falcons (the Carolina Panthers). And I certainly remember when churches would lure people to a Sunday evening service for the “Souper Bowl,” which consisted of a devotion, a chili/soup fellowship, and watching the game, usually minus the halftime show.
I vividly recall watching Super Bowl XXXIV with some friends as the St. Louis Rams edged out the Tennessee Titans. I never knew then that I’d later live in Tennessee (and belong to a church near their stadium), nor that the first NFL game I’d ever attend would be the final game the Rams played as a St. Louis team!
Despite these unique memories, I didn’t start watching closely until around 2009-2010. This was around halfway through Tom Brady’s tenure as quarterback of the New England Patriots. By then he had won three of his seven Super Bowls. I initially didn’t think too much about him. But gradually I came to dislike him and the Patriots. They seemed smug and elitist. Coach Belichick perpetually wore a frown and was harsh with reporters. When Brady was at the microphone, he always seemed dull, and offered little color. And they won too much. But eventually I forsook my irrational dislike of their dynasty and came to appreciate what they provided to fans each season: excellence.
Image courtesy of Getty images.
Recently I was browsing Michael Holley’s, Belichick and Brady: Two Men, The Patriots, and How They Revolutionized Football (isn’t it telling that more than one bestseller has been written about this?). Anyone who cares about both athletic excellence and organizational intelligence should study what these two men accomplished together. It took more than passion, intelligence, and discipline, as indispensable as each of those were. It was a philosophy of how to construct a football team and surrounding organization that would create a winning environment.
Belichick and Brady both had bright parents. They were aspirational. Both paid attention to detail. And both had setbacks—Bill was fired from his first head coaching job with the Cleveland Browns. Brady was drafted in the sixth round (star quarterbacks are usually drafted in the first), and constantly fought to start throughout college despite his winning record.
Holley captures their impact on the game well in a chapter entitled, “Beating the System.” By paying close attention to detail, not overvaluing or undervaluing certain players, and being committed to teaching the game, Belichick complemented Brady’s relational approach with teammates. Ultimately there’s a reason why by-lines like this now populate the Internet: Tom Brady Remade the NFL in His Image and Changed Football Forever. As Kevin Clark writes, “The reason you can’t imagine football without Brady is because it doesn’t exist.’
I’ve written about the many lessons preachers can learn from Brady: a disciplined commitment to long-term effectiveness, focused attention to detail, a commitment to one’s team, taking responsibility for losses, etc. Everyone understands conceptually that these are central to success. There’s too much evidence to suggest otherwise. But few people across the entirety of organizations practically embrace these.
Take football. It makes a tremendous difference if a head coach exemplifies these qualities. But if the quarterback doesn’t, or the defense doesn’t, or some other unit doesn’t, good luck winning anything.
Now consider Christ’s church. First Corinthians 12 and Ephesians 4 make clear that ministry is an “all-hands-on-deck” proposition. God has given each of us a vital role to play. We dare not say to one another, “I have no need of you.” Could it then be that the reason why so many churches fail to embody the excellence and impact that the church of Acts had is because we’re simply not “all in”? Let me be quick to say that comparisons to the miraculous work of the Spirit in the book of Acts can be shortsighted. Let’s not forget Sinclair Ferguson’s formulation: many of these events were programmatic, not paradigmatic. Churches too often desire the spectacular and miraculous instead of simple trust and obedience. The Bible clearly emphasizes the latter.
But in God’s common grace, He enables even unbelievers to be devoted to certain skills and pursuits. And while unbelievers may not be doing what they do with the right vertical motivation (the glory of God), they may be doing it with an admirable horizontal motivation (elevating teammates, coaches, franchises, communities, etc.). In these stories we get glimpses of some of the qualities of excellence worthy of appreciation and imitation.
Do’s and Don’ts for Funerals
Recently Thom Rainer of Church Answers shared an online post entitled, “12 Do’s and Don’ts When You Preach a Funeral.” The list is based on advice that Rainer solicited online from hundreds of pastors. Rainer’s list orders that advice from most frequent answers to least frequent.
It’s a helpful list. Younger pastors who’ve performed fewer funerals should read it carefully. Non-pastors might also benefit from mulling over how we pastors aim to be careful stewards of bereavement ministry. Having said that, some additional context is important to add to Rainer’s list.
The dynamics of conducting a funeral for a long-term church member differ significantly from conducting a funeral for someone you barely knew. Often, pastors are asked to preside over the funerals of persons outside their congregation, perhaps a friend or relative of a member, but sometimes total strangers. Nearly all funeral homes have lists of area pastors to contact to conduct services whenever they have a bereaved family who desires the services of an ordained minister. Of the approximately 75 funerals I’ve officiated, probably 15% of them belonged to this unknown person category. The identity of the deceased does partly shape how one approaches the service, and consequently, Rainer’s list.
With this context in mind, consider #2: “Don’t have an open microphone.” Yes, this is generally very wise counsel. Most people aren’t prepared to speak extemporaneously, whether from the standpoint of the propriety of their words, or their emotional composure. And when in a context when we want the Gospel to have the final word over the occasion, a well-intentioned but unwise comment can muddy the waters.
However, sometimes the grieving family explicitly requests in advance for such remarks to be permitted. Sometimes the deceased might be a luminary in a larger church or community, so a funeral officiant has to decide how to accommodate this desire for people to express their connection to and appreciation of the deceased.
There are three primary ways I try to handle an “open mic” request.
First, I remind the family at the beginning of the process that the visitation/viewing is the ideal opportunity for people to exchange their stories, memories, and anecdotes about the deceased. It’s an informal, conversational, and lengthier opportunity than the service itself. Sometimes funeral directors also reinforce this by having a specific time scheduled for the family to arrive at the cemetery, so this requires that an actual service remain somewhat predictable in length.
Second, I try to solicit personal comments and anecdotes from the family when I meet with them ahead of time. This gives me the chance to weigh them, organize them, and incorporate them in my remarks as they may be appropriate for the service. Frankly, most families have few members who feel comfortable standing to read or voice a eulogy anyway. It takes a lot of pressure off them for me to do their speaking for them. This also can minimize their desire or sense of obligation to let folks stand and speak.
Third, I always extend the opportunity for a family member to give a eulogy. Usually someone is seen as the unofficial “family spokesman,” and they’re often willing and interested in doing so. Sometimes I review their remarks ahead of time, but usually only if that assistance is requested.
Some might wonder, “Boy, you’re really putting yourself in control of the service! Why not let the family retain that role?” I simply would say that most families welcome the guidance, and in fact need it. They’re focused on contacting family, coordinating days off with their employer, meeting with the funeral director, and dealing with grief. Pastors don’t merely serve the family by preaching a sermon, but overseeing the service. Naturally some families have prior instruction from their deceased loved one. I always encourage elderly saints or others facing terminal illness to serve their families well by thinking now about key Scriptures or songs (see #10). But sometimes having known the deceased helps you to better gauge the propriety of certain choices, even if the final decision will remain with the family.
“Don’t read the obituary,” is also understandable advice. Every family has names that are difficult to pronounce, and someone inevitably is omitted. If step-children and half-siblings are involved, it can get very messy. But I’ve found in my region that reading obituaries is a bigger deal than in other regions, so don’t rule it out.
I have many thoughts on the rest of the list, but the main addition I would make is this: “Do Prepare for the Unexpected.” You will be surprised with funerals. There will be open caskets when you thought they would be closed, and vice versa. There will be cremations when you thought there would be traditional burials. And when you’re conducting a funeral for someone unknown to you, even if you know their family, especially expect the unexpected. I mean, like an Elvis impersonator. Or like having a rap song as part of the order of service. Be patient, be gracious, and be clear on the Gospel.
Currently Reading:
The Book of Pastoral Rule by St. Gregory the Great
All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot
This week’s newsletter ran a little long; some topics are like that! I’d be happy to discuss the funeral topic more with those facing these difficult situations, or for those simply wanting to plan well for the future.